The Idea of Someone
by legaldramafan
Summary: SPOILERS FOR ZUGSWANG and the following episodes! Morgan and Reid have an honest conversation about his feelings for Maeve. Can be a follow up to "Blake Intervenes" or it could stand on its own two feet.


**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Morgan and Reid were sitting in Morgan's kitchen drinking tea in an uncomfortable silence; at least it was uncomfortable in Morgan's opinion.

"I wasn't sure that you would want to see me," he began as Reid's head shot up, eyes wide. "I let you down, in the worst possible way, and I'm just so sorry Reid, I'm so, so sorry."

Reid tilted his head, looking at Morgan curiously. "I don't blame you for this Morgan."

"But I broke my promise."

"Devolving stalkers are highly volatile and unpredictable," recited Reid in response.

"But I broke my promise," Morgan repeated with greater emphasis.

"And I don't blame you," repeated Reid, also with added emphasis.

"Well maybe you should," he replied testily standing up and folding his arms.

"Let me burst your bubble right now. I'm not going to argue with you; I don't have the energy." Morgan sighed and sat back down.

"I'm sorry. I'm not good at," he searched his mind and eventually just motioned back and forth between them with his hand, "this."

"The fact that you're here with me and trying is what matters." Reid paused and looked down into his mug. "I at least got to see her."

"I'm sorry you had to solve the case too."

"Let's face it. I've been solving most of the cases recently." Reid looked up with a small smile on his face.

"You little," Morgan trailed off as he leaned across the table to tousle Reid's hair.

And then the uncomfortable silence resumed and Reid returned to examining his tea.

Morgan cleared his throat. "Do you want to go sit in the living room? It's probably a bit more comfortable and if you don't feel like talking, we can watch a movie or something."

Reid nodded and stood, abandoning his mug and following Morgan to the living room. They sat on either end of the couch, the distressed genius wringing his hands while the other mentally cursed himself for the awkwardness.

"Can I," Reid began, so softly that Morgan could barely hear him, "can I tell you something terrible?"

"You can tell me anything," Morgan replied without hesitation.

"I've never . . . I don't . . . what I mean is . . . I felt like I loved her, but how do I know?" His knuckles were white they were wrung so tight but his face was red with embarrassment. "I'd never met her in person; I had never even seen a picture. Right before she disappeared I'd had a dream that I was marrying her. Only the team was there. And when I lifted the veil, there was no face. I didn't know what to think. And then I read this thing about being in love with the _idea _of someone but not the actual someone and it was very strange but I understood what it was saying about loneliness and desperation. And I feel like a terrible, horrible, just absolutely terrible person for thinking these things, but I was thinking them before and I can't just turn them off and, and, then I found out about the fiancé and I started to doubt her, and oh I'm just a terrible person." Reid was crying now and Morgan lifted his arm, beckoning him closer. Reid scooted across the couch and tucked his head into Morgan's shoulder as he cried harder. Morgan held him tight and ran a hand up and down his back.

"Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you Pretty Boy?"

"If I really loved her I should have been able to save her," he said as he began sobbing.

Tears formed in Morgan's eyes. "No, no, no," Morgan said in a soft soothing tone. "We both know it doesn't work that way. Even after their divorce Hotch was in love with Haley, we could all see that, but he couldn't save her. And it wasn't for lack of trying and it wasn't because he didn't love her or love her enough. Sometimes we do our best and it just isn't enough, and most of the time the victims we lose are strangers, but every rare once and a while they are people we love. But you fought your hardest for her; you figured out that case on your own and you did everything you could. Everything you did was out of love for her. Pretty boy, you've been the happiest I've ever seen you these past few months. If that's not what love looks like, I don't know what is."

"I miss her Morgan."

Morgan squeezed him tight. "I know you do Pretty Boy, I know."

"She understood me. She always had time for me. She thought I had a beautiful brain."

"You mean mind?"

Reid shook his head into Morgan's shoulder. "I originally contacted her about my headaches. She helped me."

Morgan simply nodded as that still missing piece of the puzzle finally fell into place. "Well Maeve was a smart lady. You are beautiful Spencer, inside and out." He gently kissed Reid's hair. Eventually the tears subsided and Morgan realized that Spencer was asleep in his lap. He thought about moving, but the genius had a death grip on his shirt. He tried to reach the remote, but it was sitting on the coffee table and his toes didn't have the necessary dexterity. Sighing, he leaned back and got as comfortable as possible because he was pretty sure Reid hadn't slept since the whole ordeal began.


End file.
